In theory, a friends with benefits relationship sounds like the perfect answer commitment fearing individuals are looking for to satisfy their physical, and sometimes emotional, needs without having to get into a relationship.
But, so many people can not achieve a successful friends with benefits situation.
Why?
Because they don't follow the rules!
Yes, rules were meant to be broken, but not in this case. This is because if you happen to break these rules, your whole arrangement will go to shit.
The whole purpose of a friends with benefits situation (or situationship?) is so that you can have all the physical benefits of a relationship without all the emotional or meticulous needs a traditional one requires.
It's supposed to be stress-free, fun, casual, and not serious.
That's why it's highly important that any friends with benefits couple who wants to keep their situation going, drama-free, follows these 15 rules.
I'll start this list of rules off with one that people seem to forget the most; using condoms!
It's such an easy way thing to remember, or at least it should be, yet LOTS of FWB don't follow it.
What's the big deal about using condoms?
Well, it could save you a lot of drama, believe it or not.
For starters, even if your FWB is on birth control, we all know that it isn't always reliable. Babies have been born with IUDs in their hands. so you should never only rely on birth control and risk a pregnancy scare.
'Cause that's sure to complicate things.
Another reason why you should wear condoms is that you never know who your FWB is getting into bed with since you aren't exclusive to each other.
Condoms are one of the best ways to prevent STDs, so if that isn't reason enough to keep them on whenever you have sex with someone you're not exclusive with, I don't know what is.
Additionally condoms can help stop feelings from developing.
Yup, you read that right.
Everyone knows that once you decide to stop using condoms with someone, that really means something. If you're going raw every time you have sex, it naturally builds a heavier emotional connection.
It'll make one or both of you rethink what's going on in the relationship, causing confusion, and also inherently gives you two greater trust in each other. Not using condoms also makes them more "special" if you're not having condom-free sex with other people.
Which leads me into my next point; you can't only have sex with your FWB, they're just someone you can go to if you need a sure thing.
Many FWB make the mistake of not seeing other people and only fucking their FWB because they think that that's what their relationship is for.
But that's wrong!
If you're only fucking and seeing one person, expecting them to fulfill your needs all the time, what do you think is going to happen?
It's always a good idea to space out how often you see each other anyway, and keeping a rotation of other people you sleep with or hang out with, or whatever you want to call it, will help you not put too much attention on your FWB.
Plus, you never want to close your options. Being with your FWB does not mean you're in a relationship, and should you find someone you really do like and want to pursue a relationship with, you can do that.
But, if you stop seeing other people just because you have a FWB, you could be missing out on that opportunity, or in just meeting other interesting people.
Another mistake FWB make that can lead to everything imploding in your faces is holding things in.
Just because you aren't ina traditional, monogamous relationship where two people are technically forced to talk things out, doesn't mean you don't have to.
Passive aggression never does anyone well, especially for two people have sex with each other. If there's an issue, you need to address it and make sure your FWB feels welcomed to, too.
Doing this is easily one of the quickest ways to end a relationship, FWB or not, because of all the tension it builds up, leaving one or both of you to explode all at once.
When there are things that need to be talked about, make sure you talk about them to avoid any awkwardness or issues!
While this is probably a really shitty thing to do with someone you're in a committed relationship with, it's totally fine for FWB.
You want to make sure both of you remember that it's just about the sex and nothing else. Don't think of them as anything other than someone cool you like to bang, but also always treat them with respect.
Just because you only ever really see them to fuck doesn't mean you can treat them like garbage -- they're a human being just like you.
But if you want things to last, don't make the relationship deeper than it is.
Don't ever ever EVER get into a FWB relationship in hopes that the person will fall for you.
You're just setting yourself up for failure.
It's inevitable.
Even if you think you're over your feelings that you might've had at one point in time for this particular friend, sex has a way of bringing old feelings back.
You can't guarantee you won't fall for someone you were once attracted to and wanted more with, and thought about in that way.
Plus, you're putting your FWB in a real awkward position if they don't feel the same way.
As I said, don't make things deeper than they are.
You don't need to include your FWB in all the details of your personal life, burden them with your problems, or have them be the shoulder you cry on.
That's what your regular friends are there for.
Everything is just much easier when you keep the relationship superficial and keep your personal life separate from your FWB relationship. You don't draw any weird lines they're not sure to cross or not, and you'll always know where you stand with them.
The thing most people get wrong in FWB relationships is in the first and most crucial step -- picking your FWB!
You need to take the time to assess if the person is a good fit or not, and I can tell you right now that classmates, co-workers, neighbors, the barista at your favorite coffee shop, etc., are not right for this kind of relationship.
I understand you may feel a bit disappointed knowing you can't make that hottie you see all the time your FWB, but trust me, it's for the best.
To avoid catching feelings, creating drama, seeing each other too much, or making things too complicated; it's best to make someone you don't already see too often your FWB.
Another common FWB mistake is sleepovers.
I've found that they're situational, depending on each person's relationship with their FWB, but generally, not sleeping over is a good rule to follow.
Everyone knows that cuddling happens after sex, and that's where lines get blurred, and things get confusing.
If you're not thinking it, you can bet your partner is wondering, "What is this? Why are they cuddling me? What does that mean? Do they like me?" and a million other things.
When you add in sleeping next to each other and waking up to each other in the morning?
Forget it.
As you should know, a FWB relationship does not equate to a monogamous relationship, meaning you can't get jealous.
If you see them hanging out with somebody else, or even hear of them hooking up with someone else, it shouldn't matter to you.
There's no room for jealousy in these kinds of casual relationships, and if you're not mature enough to follow that rule, then a FWB isn't for you.
Another trait I've noticed many FWB have is texting each other too much.
If you're not making plans to fuck, there's no need to text at all.
It's just that simple. If you two get used to talking to each other all day, you're going to make things more complicated than they need to be.
Of course, you can text about other things when the situation calls for it, but generally, don't flood their messages asking how they are, flirting with them, etc.
Just hit them up when you're free and set the tone for the relationship by not texting unless you want to see them.
Again, you're not in a relationship, so there's no need to share gifts or get them things unless you really want to.
You don't even need to celebrate holidays together or remember their birthday -- the only important dates in your FWB relationship are when you're going to hook up again!
This is another big issue I see that prematurely ends many FWB relationships.
Don't ever feel entitled to their time, and vice versa. They don't owe you a hookup whenever you want because they have their own lives to worry about.
Don't get mad when they can't make it or have to cancel. Understand they aren't at your beg-and-call, and just don't let the situation inflate your ego.
Casual relationships are the perfect opportunity to explore and experiment with sex. If you're in a FWB relationship, don't let things get repetitive and boring by experimenting.
It's a chance for both of you to find out more about yourselves when it comes to sex and what you like, so take full advantage of that opportunity!
But alas, you can't expect this person to be your FWB forever. You must respect their decision to end things if they choose, and vice versa. Know that they're not your property and are free to come and go as they please.
One problem many FWB have is that they try to hold onto their FWB as long as they can, even when things are clearly not working anymore, or one person doesn't want to continue anymore.
Don't be that person and let things happen as they need to.
Last but not least, make sure to always have fun!
That's what it's all about, right?
It may seem like a lot of rules to follow and things to remember, but it's really not that difficult if you have a conversation about boundaries going into things, checking in, respecting each other, and keeping it casual!
It's important to be care-free and have fun with your FWB, or else it can start to feel like a real relationship.
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